Chapter Thirty Four
The part where we remind ourselves that it's okay to not be enough...
Hey you,
How are things? It’s been a minute since I wrote to you. How have you been? Take a minute to think about this, how have you been since the last time I wrote to you in February? I have been living life on the edge and not the exciting kind. It’s a long story for another day and I want to focus on the present.
These days, I’m super aggressive about protecting my multiple streams of pleasure. and that’s how I've been able to put myself in the right frame of mind to write to you again. After I finished reading Love & Saffron: A Novel of Friendship, Food, and Love by Kim Fay, I was reminded of the joy I got from writing letters. It’s a very short novel written in letters that I think you’d enjoy, it’s especially perfect if you’re in a reading slump.
Today’s letter is inspired by a chat I had with a friend who felt they were not enough and that’s why their life was going to shit. We hear the word “enough” thrown around so often in our society. I honestly don’t even think anyone knows what it means. Enough of what exactly? It’s not even logical.
For whatever reason, we link the word “enough” to being worthy—of love, of a career, of acceptance. We tell ourselves there’s this standard we must reach, this ideal we must live up to, and we’re constantly measuring ourselves, thinking that we have to be and act a certain way to be cared for or to find the relationships we desire.
To be honest, we will never be enough, because it’s an immeasurable, undefined thing. There will be people who will value your soft qualities and others who will admire your fierceness. If we are always looking to change what other people want in us, then we will never be whole. We’ll constantly be reshaping and changing.
If we start viewing ourselves from the eyes of people who don’t value us, we’ll never be enough for anyone. We’re human, and no one on this planet is perfect—certainly not the person(s) who is treating you like you’re not.
So please, stop trying to do better just because. Stop viewing your worth from the inside out. Stop hiding. Stop changing yourself, your thoughts, and your decisions to match someone else’s checklist. If you hit a point when you feel like you’ll never find love, when you feel like you’ll never meet this ridiculous standard, remember there’s no ideal to measure up to for the person who is meant for you. And when you meet that person, you won’t feel like you’re less than, not enough, or inadequate.
People who value you don’t make you feel this way. People who care for you won’t want you to change anything about you. They won’t try to mold you into their perception of perfect, because they’ll already think you are.
This turned out to be longer than I expected it to be but I hope you understand what I tried to say. I don’t want to make any promises but I’ll do my best to write to you as often as I can, even if all I have to say sometimes is, how are things, haha.
Please remember to hydrate, eat well, sleep well, and poop well. Most importantly, don’t forget to give yourself the grace you always extend to others. You need it too, okay?
If you love my content, please do consider supporting me by buying me a cup of tea (I’ve finally found a way for non-Nigerian residents to contribute) or by giving me a shout-out on social media or in real life (prayers are fine too).
See you on the other side, Dearest.
XOXO
This is a timely letter, Amyn. Thank you for your gift of words. I will add this book to my TBR