Chapter Thirty-Two

The part where we try to stay true to ourselves...

Photo by Brigitte Tohm on Unsplash

Hey you,

How are things? Are you settling back into the routine or still high off the new year? I didn’t have any break or pause per se, so it’s business as usual on my end.

In my last letter, I reminded you to not feel pressured into starting anything just because it’s a “new year custom,” but I’m aware that it’s only natural to write some goals that we’d like to achieve. Maybe I should have shared how to set goals without setting ourselves up for disappointment instead, thankfully, I can do that now.

Have you ever had a really great meal at a restaurant and then tried it again another time? Then you’d know that it’s often not as good the second time. This happens because, after the first mind-blowing experience, we look forward to the next time with so much anticipation that when we finally are able to experience it again, it doesn’t quite meet the high expectations we imagined in our minds.

A similar thing happens for our goals. When we put our goals on a pedestal, reaching them can be disappointing. An example of putting a goal on a pedestal is, if I lose X amount of weight or start earning X amount of money, I’ll finally be happy. The truth is, most of the happenings in our lives are not life-changing. At the end of the day, putting a goal on a pedestal creates unnecessary and potentially toxic pressure on yourself. This mentality creates a lose-lose situation where you feel unfulfilled whether you accomplish or don’t accomplish that goal.

Fortunately, we can avoid this lose-lose scenario by asking these three questions.

Will this goal make or break your dreams?

More often than not, whether or not you accomplish a goal will not make or break your dreams — even if it feels like it might. It’s important to recognize that there are many paths to the same thing. Two people could be going to the same place, but take different roads to get there. So, take the goal off of the pedestal you put it on, and don’t put too much pressure on yourself.

Are you doing this for yourself?

It’s easy to succumb to the pressures of society and to fall victim to setting goals that we don’t really want for ourselves. Whether it’s feeling pressure from our parents, assimilating with our friends, or following social norms, we have all tried to accomplish goals that were not truly our own. To avoid this lose-lose situation, set goals for yourself as much as possible. Like my high school principal used to say, to your own self, be true.

What will you do if you fail? And what about if you succeed?

It’s important to prepare yourself for failure and success in accomplishing your goal. We often prepare for the worst as a safety net in case of success. As a result, we also automatically assume that everything will work out swimmingly if we succeed. This assumption is what leads us to be disappointed when we achieve. The stars don’t automatically align when we accomplish a goal, so it’s important to prepare for what comes after any success, big or small.

Whatever it is you decide to do, I’ll always be rooting for you, okay?

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I recently watched Under The Queen’s Umbrella and I want to recommend it if you haven’t seen it. It’s going into my all-time fave Kdramas list. I loved everything about it, the cast, the pacing, the cinematography, the acting, and the story itself! 10/10 across the board. I also saw two time-travel dramas, 18 Again and Familiar Wife, which were pretty decent but they made me more introspective. After I asked myself what I’d do if I had the opportunity to go back in time, I couldn’t come up with an answer that involved me, all I’d want to do is encourage my mum to do more things out of her comfort zone, stop my baby sis from talking to one boy, tell my besties to trust their instincts more. I’ll think about it some more though. What about you? What would you do if you went back in time with all of your memories intact? Ask your closest friends and family too, I think it would make for an interesting conversation.

There’s a new podcast out, hosted by one of my favourite persons, Lara Kareem AKA #naijabookbae. It’s called Blame My Shelf, now available on all streaming platforms. With her sultry voice, she’ll share book reviews and recommendations, there’ll be interviews too, and two episodes are available to listen to at the time of this letter’s release. I also recently started listening to #ReadWithSamia’s podcast, Diverse Bookshelf, and it’s one of the most thought-provoking bookish podcasts currently streaming.

I finished reading one of the books from my anticipated titles for 2023 and it has blown my mind, I have to share it with you.

It’s out in the UK on March 2. Wandering Souls by Cecile Pin is a bittersweet story, that follows the lives of a young Vietnamese family in the pursuit of a better life. I don’t want to give too much away but you should know that it’s more of a refuge than an immigrant story. What did I love most about the book? The narrative techniques used by the author to tell this story is so seamless. I love when writers show off their skills without distracting from the story. A very strong debut indeed, I even had to send a private message, which is something I think I’ll be doing more of when a book gives me immense joy.

This is getting longer than I anticipated so imma let you go now. Please remember to hydrate, eat well, sleep well, and poop well. Most importantly, don’t forget to give yourself the grace you always extend to others. You need it too, okay?

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If you love my content, please do consider supporting me by buying me a cup of tea (I’ve finally found a way non-Nigerian residents can contribute) or by giving me a shout-out on social media or in real life (prayers are fine too).

See you on the other side, Dearest.

XOXO